It can happen in an instant. The weather changes and a storm rolls in. The apology in the middle of the argument that stops you in your tracks. The accident you avoid my what seems to be mere inches. The friendship that blooms seemingly overnight! Things change.
I posted something on my page yesterday after much wrestling with it and having a friend edit it for content, attitude, and purpose (yeah, I didn't just put that business out there, I took a long, long, LONG time to ensure that I was being clear and honest). The post went up and I closed my laptop, grabbed a book, and waited for the firestorm to fall. I guess I shouldn't have assumed that only bad things would have come from my being transparent and public but a part of me was sure that the repercussions were going to be painful. That's what usually happens when I stand up for myself.
NOT YESTERDAY! God was working overtime to prove me wrong, lift me up, surprise me, and replace what had been lost. Seriously, yesterday was so filled with blessings and love that I cried pretty much all day (the ugly cry with the hitching and the snot and the need to get a tissue cause the tears have soaked your sleeve). It was so unexpected that it took my breath away and I wasn't even sure how to react to it all but to pour my gratefulness into my prayers, into those who reached out to me, into my work, and into my commitment to transparency.
I know it may seem as though things are lost and beyond repair - some things may be. That is the lesson I learned yesterday! Some things are beyond repair and the effort I was putting into seeking out, fixing, mending, groveling (ugh, that makes me so sick when I think about it), and being a ME that is not ME in order to resolve things was a waste of time. Why? God already had things in the works for the ME He made ME to be and I was going to miss out on it all if I kept chasing after the wind (friends who aren't friends, support that isn't support, affirmations that mean nothing). And when I was being so stubborn and trying to make it all work, He had to take some things away and let me see and grieve the loss in order to celebrate and praise Him for the new things.
If you find yourself in a time of darkness, confusion, doubt, depression, anxiety, loss, and fear - YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND IT IS NOT OVER! You are in the meantime between then and now but you can't give up. You can't believe that all that has happened is all that WILL happen. Reach out to someone (message me, email me, text me, call me!) and let them be your lifeline so you stop drifting and start riding the currents and the waves. I know from experience - not just yesterday but decades of experience - that it is NOT over and you are NOT done.
Phew! That's all I've got! I'm gonna go address the puffy eyes I have today from all the crying yesterday and make sure I sing the praises of my Daddy God and thank those living blessings He has placed in my life for letting Him use them. Amen and amen!
I am Christian Straightedge Christ follower, an Army Brat, an ex-milso, founder and CEO of FitnessAnyaMind, a sofa CEO, a nomad, a fur baby mom, and a mindset builder. I enjoy nature, reading, music, cooking, and taking care of those whom I love.