👉🏾Some people appreciate (and others don't) the fact that I work so hard to be clear in what I say. I paint word pictures and use analogies for things in the listeners lives' to convey my message. There may be pantomime, fully costumed reinactments, and references to the Allegory of the Cave, if need be. I'm in it. I'm committed to communicating!
👂🏾The vast majority of the time, I listen without interrupting and I ask a lot of questions to be sure we are on the same page. That level of clarity can piss people right on off and I'm still not 100% sure why.🤔
🙋🏾♀️You see, my dad and I are analytical, methodical, detail-oriented, thorough, INTJs who still have our individual warm fuzzy aspects of our personalities. Speaking for myself, I appreciate romance and levels of spontaneity and certain aspects of the less INTJ folks (even if I have to appreciate y'all in small bites and baby steps 😉😁). But, our assumed detachment can be misread by those who don't know us or who have chosen not to learn how to speak our language.🔡✍
🤷🏾♀️When you were in high school, did you think that people would stop being clique-ish, drop the drama, and get past the guilt trips and passive-aggressive behaviour? Did you tell yourself to hold out for college because things would get better? Then, for your first big girl/boy job? Then, whatever other milestones were ahead in your field and age group?💁🏾♀️
🤣How foolish I was. I assumed that age and experience would help us all (myself included) be more communicative and honest in our speech. Assumptions sure did make a "fool" out of me.🤡
😶😑😶I believed that we would all mature and be ready to speak with (not at) one another and listen (without planning our response) to hear one another fully out without pre-assuming or pre-jumping to conclusions and then refusing to communicate about one's assumptions or conclusions or how things were heard or perceived by the listener.
😑😶😑That we would talk TO one another instead of rewatching conversations we "happened to" record from the security cameras in our houses or running to bffs/siblings/offspring (part a. isn't a problem) and then fail to circle back to have the actual speaker from the conversation now that we have sought wise council (that's the part b. part that is problemmatic).🤯
😶😑😶That a person could stand up in a town hall meeting and respectfully speak her mind with out GROWN MEN AND WOMEN booing and heckling her so much that the town council president had to silence them, repeatedly, eventually leading to some of thr ADULTS (using this term loosely) were removed and one woman fell on the ground and nearly fainted due to lack of oxygen from screaming and hissing at the speaker.
😶😑😶That friends and family would (because I know we COULD) bury age old hatchets, allow bygones to be bygones, realize that blood is important, and release the iron grip and false comfort family members have held for YEARS on the razor wire cape of being RIGHT. (This really happened, by the way.)
I would love to make a suggestion. Just one because I don't want to be responsible for more than one thing that people may come looking for me over. Maybe I'll change my appearance. 🤔😎💥👵🏿 Aaaaaanyway, my suggestion would be that we take some time each day, with the ones we love or are physically the closest to, and talk to them.
LET'S CHAT: 🗣What words do they use when they're building up to a joke? 🗣What does it mean when he/she gets quiet or starts muttering? 🗣Does he have a way he breathes that lets you know he's happy? 🗣Does she have a happy dance that means something crazy awesome must've happened? 🗣Do they hold or lose eye contact when you bring up that one subject? 🗣Are you the only one laughing at the type/kind of jokes you're making? 🗣Has she asked you not to move that thing? 🗣Why is he so picky about pillows?
These are just a few examples of learning to speak your loved ones languages - visually and physically. When we truly want to see the world, we can turn the tide by hearing, REALLY hearing others, and being heard.
These are just a few examples of learning to speak your loved ones languages and monitor cues. When we truly want to see the world, we can turn the tide by hearing, REALLY hearing others, and being heard.
Anyway, my flash back, class research, dealing with life, mind had a moment and I'm just overall kinda done with nonsense.
🤝🤝🏻🤝🏼🤝🏽🤝🏾🤝🏿Let's be adults and mature and clear and patient and open and curious and have some conversations, shall we? I'm all ears👂🏾(not really, though, because being made of all ears would be gross and wouldn't allow me to speak, which is central to what I was just typing about☝🏾☝🏾☝🏾☝🏾).
As always, I would love to hear from YOU!
What communication failures, stumbling blocks, and/or immature reactions most get on your nerves?
Which ones are you guilty of?
Are you willing to take steps to truly hear others and speak to be heard?
If so, how are you going to go about it?
Need some resources? I always do, so, I'm gonna nerd it up and share some of my favorites with you!
1. The Lost Art of Listening: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships by Michael P. Nichols
2. You're Not Listening: What You're Missing and Why It Matters by Kate Murphy
3. The Lost Art of Good Conversation: A Mindful Way to Connect with Others and Enrich Everyday Life by Sakyong Mipham
4. It's the Way You Say It by Carol A. Fleming: Becoming Articulate, Well-spoken, and Clear
5. The Listening Life: Embracing Attentiveness in a World of Distraction by Adam S. McHugh
Let's all get our learn on 🤓 and start a wave of positive and fulfilling communication!
I am Christian Straightedge Christ follower, an Army Brat, an ex-milso, founder and CEO of FitnessAnyaMind, a sofa CEO, a nomad, a fur baby mom, and a mindset builder. I enjoy nature, reading, music, cooking, and taking care of those whom I love.